Ok- I confess, things that go bump in the night was written after my doc found a lump. Yep, in my breast. It's one of the many things we ladies dutifully check for, and don't expect to find... not in ourselves. We realize it is not uncommon-- in others.
(Gonna toot my own horn here, coz I deserve it.) Because I didn't cower at things that go "bump in the night", my doc discovered the lump I would not have found on my own. (I know this because even after he located it, showed it to me, and asked me to show him I could find it, I still struggled to feel the foreign object.) At any rate, confirmation that it did not exist a year ago was available, so a biopsy was done. Within two days, I had an appointment with a wonderful female breast surgeon who told me the obvious... that I was fortunate to have found it so quickly. It appeared to have clear "margins" (a word I am learning is a big deal in cancer circles), and had not spread. It requires a simple lumpectomy and nothing further. My lump is the size of a grape, so evidence of a lumpectomy will most likely not even be noticeable later.
Details in the Fabric refers to the ultrasound pictures we poured over with the surgeon as she tried to explain what looked different from the rest of the "fabric" of the breast tissue. For those of you who have had ultrasounds of any kind, you will understand when I say that we hadn't the slightest clue what we were viewing. It was all Greek to us, but Thank God someone pays attention to and understands the details. Details in the fabric matter.
Our childhood fears that came in the night somehow morph as we grow older. They don't disappear. They simply change form.
Remember when you were tucked in at night, then your parents turned off the light and... left. You. Alone. In the dark. You, me, we were all petrified to stick out a toe-- any body part-- from under the covers! Some of you lucky souls got a night light. Not me. Adults think you can sleep better with the lights out, right? My chief fear wasn't the monster in the closet; mine was under the bed. I can still remember that hideous little monster from the movie Chuckie with his gnashing teeth and ghastly grin zipping out of nowhere to stab the first foot onto the floor! Then when the first adult came in to turn on the light, of course he morphed back into the plastic harmless doll he seemingly had always been.
The adult version is no less scary. It has nothing to do with dolls or scary movies. Unfortunately, things that go bump in the night for adults are based on things far more real. And we can't turn on the light and make them disappear. They are the things we lie awake dreading, though they haven't happened... they might. And, sometimes, that's enough to keep us tucked under our covers, wishing them away. It's the annual visit to the doctor-- what visions we bring. It's the worries we have as parents... countless as the grains of sand. It's a million different things that cause pain in life. I choose to join those who know they are not in control in this life, and repeat with them one of the most powerful mantras I know.
Higher Power than us, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference.
Meet Shell. She's Italian, outspoken, strong, emotional, a fabulous chef, very artistic- creates BEAUTIFUL things-- with all different mediums. She paints, sews, takes beautiful things apart and puts them back together again so she can see how to make them herself. She gives wise loving counsel to young people, and somehow, she's one who can just "slide it into home base" without them protesting too much! She has three hot young men for sons and one Adorable lil grandson.
Why do I tell you this? Well, for one, it's her birthday, and this is her biggest gift from me; secondly, Shell is the kind of friend one always dreams of having. Dreams are great to have. But they don't always come true. I dream about trips I wish I would have taken when I was young, or about time gone by that I wish I could have back. I dream I had Oprah's influence and wealth without all the hassle that goes with it. But when I need someone to understand why I chose what I did when the world seems dead-set against me, or someone to tell me it will be alright when one of my kids just did the unthinkable, or a friend to hold me when I can't do it myself, I call Shell. And she's there.
Some things in life really are priceless. The colors you see in the very real starfish we found, the stunning serenity of the ocean and its vastness, quiet moments spent soaking up love unseen. I hope that you have found your Shell. Life isn't worth living without one.
On the red carpet, I'm not looking at Jodi Foster. I spy... my gifted friend, doing her thing... naughty, fun, in the background... almost hidden, but never where she's told to be.
